Ripped

I really like having sex with D. My only problem is that his cock is just so damn big. Ever since my rip with Toby, my vagina has ripped every time I have sex with D.

I am not sure on what to do. I definitely don’t want to stop having sex with him. Maybe I should try a different position? I doubt the doctor could do anything, and they will probably just tell me not to have sex.

Sex used to feel amazing to me, but now it is almost painful. I hate very much to say it, but I am almost glad when it is over, because my vagina hurts at first entry. After the initial pain of it tearing again is over, it starts to feel good again, but not as good as it used to be without the rip.

Update: Despite all that, even though I ripped, sex actually started to feel good again the last time I had sex with D. I am not sure what the difference was, since we were pretty much in the same position. Oh well. I figure for now, I will just deal with the rip. It seems to heal faster every time.

Romance

I thought I was going to marry Will. I figured I had done all the single-life experimenting that I needed to do. I was pissed when he dumped me because I hated the idea of having to learn to trust someone all over again. I figured I would have to wait months, maybe years, before I was completely comfortable with someone again.

However, despite all that, I realized what I have to look forward to in my next relationship.

One of my favorite things in new romance is that beginning honeymoon stage. The part where all you see is each other. A couple of weeks ago I saw a couple in the bar we were cleaning. It was obvious they were on a date and SO into each other. They were holding hands, smiling into each others eyes, and giving sweet kisses all over (necks, cheeks, forehead, etc). I was almost jealous. I look forward to having that with someone again.

Being single again gives me the chance to date. I have never really been on a true date. Relationships always just kind of happened with me, and so I never got to go on multiple dates with multiple people. I look forward to dating this time (ha, if someone will just take me out).

Will was not a very sexual guy. I look forward to having a normal sexual relationship with someone. Like a fuck buddy, but this time with the emotional attachments. I would choose a relationship over a fuck buddy any day.

I look forward to learning a person inside and out. I look forward to them doing the same with me. I always love those first moments, like first kiss, first time we do something sexual, etc. Most of all though, I look forward to having romance again.

Giving Without Receiving

I used to take pride in giving good head. I felt like that was the one thing I excelled at when being with a guy. I loved the control I had, the trust he had to have in me to let me use my mouth (where theres teeth) on his dick. Everyone that I have ever sucked has always said it was the best they ever had. Maybe all guys say that to every girl, but I was happy to believe them, and still do.

However, after Toby, I kind of quit caring about giving head. It was ruined for me in a lot of ways. I realized this when I was with The T several years back. I know exactly why I don’t care about giving head so much anymore.

You see, The only one to truly ever return the favor was Ex #4. He would eat me out for forever it seemed, though sadly it was more relaxing than climaxing. Yeah, Nathan, Tiffany, Leah, and The T have went down on me, but it was always for less than a minute or two because they found other things to do to me.

The times I was with Toby I would ask him to return the favor, he would always make up some excuse on why he couldn’t. I finally gave up asking when his last excuse was that “he heard he wasn’t supposed to go down on a girl unless he was in love with her.” I know that excuse was total bullshit. That is when I quit caring about giving head.

When I played with The T, he wanted me to suck him. I was adamant that it was not going to happen, but I finally compromised for just a little bit of suckage. I hated it, and that was the first time I didn’t take my time or care in what I was doing. I felt like it was substandard, though he disagreed.

I started enjoying giving head again when I sucked D in the woods. It was new, and exciting. I took great care in what I was doing.

I took even greater pride in what I was doing when I gave Will head. It was his favorite of the few things he allowed us to do together. I made sure to give good head because I wanted him to come back for more (since our sexual time was so few and far between), though I didn’t enjoy giving as much as I used to. Several times, after he came, he would mention how sometime he would like to return the favor.

One night I really wanted him to return the favor, so I asked him to do just that. I had actually really enjoyed giving him head. I had taken my time, and used my skill to the fullest. After he came, I asked if he would go down on me. He said no. I asked him why, since he said he wanted to return the favor. That is when he told me that the idea of going down on a girl was never much of a turn on. I asked how he expected to return the favor. He said that it would happen by having sex. He then left for food, and I sat in bed and cried. The last excuse Toby gave me came back to mind. I cried even harder. I felt like there was something wrong with me.

He came home, saw me crying and comforted me. I explained what was wrong when he asked. That is when he learned my true sexual past. He had always had bits and pieces before, but this time I finished the puzzle. I felt better, though was still a bit pissed. I eventually got over the fantasy of him going down on me.

Lately I have been craving tongue on my clit. It just sounds like it would feel really good. There have been several times that I thought D was going to do it, just from his postion at times, or how he kisses my stomach, all the way down to my mound. He never has done it for me, and I have been afraid to ask because I don’t want to ruin my liking of giving him head if he says no.

I really like giving D head, and I always have. He makes me want to give more head. I read the posts I write about sucking him, and they get me very wet and sexually excited. He brings back the old me.

Lucky

We mentioned a quickie in our texting last week, but at the time we didn’t have enough time to be that quick. He said that if I was lucky, on Sunday he would come over after he got off work, before I went to work.

I woke up Sunday afternoon feeling very lucky. I brushed my hair, put on my sexiest red thong, and favorite red negligee. Over those I put on some blue jeans and a very see through, low-cut white shirt. “Yeah, that doesn’t look obvious,” I chuckled to myself as I played with the lighting in my room, waiting for him to arrive.

There would be no time for our usual ice breaker movie/dinner. Oh, how I wanted to jump his bones, but a small part of me was nervous inside still, my shy side. He gave a light knock on the door.

I opened the door to let him in, and before I even had the door shut, his lips were on mine. He kissed me on the mouth, sucking on my bottom lip,  traveling to my neck, nibbling, biting, and kissing all over.

I led him over to my bed, where I took off his sweater, and then his shirt, running my hands and nails all over his back. I took off my white shirt and tossed it to the side.

“Ooo, that’s sexy,” he said, seeing my negligee and smiling before kissing me some more.

“Mmm, thank you,” I replied as I undid his belt and pants to let them fall down. We kissed some more, and he started rubbing between my legs. I pulled down his underwear and began massaging his cock with my hand. He carefully lifted off my negligee, being mindful of my still fresh nipple piercings.

I gently pushed him onto the bed and motioned for him to lay back against the pillows. Once he was situated, I sat next to him, leaned over his cock and went to work with my mouth. I teased the tip with my tongue, and as my tongue moved lower, so did my mouth. I used my left hand/wrist to hold me up, while I used my right hand to hold the base of his cock. I tried to multitask by stroking it up and down while sucking on the head, but could not keep up the rhythm.

I changed my tongue rhythm, and changed my bobbing rhythm. I loved hearing him moan in pleasure. As I sucked, he ran his hand over my leg and thigh. Oh, that felt so nice.

Because my wrist became numb from using it to hold myself up, I sat up and smiled at him. He pulled himself forward and kissed me some more, massaging my tits with his hands, careful of my piercings. His kisses got deeper and more passionate, even thrusting his tongue in my mouth. I went nuts and kissed him back even more aggressively, gently nibbling and sucking on his bottom lip.

After we calmed down from the kissing, I went back to work, this time curling myself up next to him, using a pillow as support. I wrapped my left hand around the base of his cock and lowered my mouth, teasing and licking with my tongue on his head. Slowly, I took more of him in my mouth and began bobbing my head up and down his hard cock. He started moaning for my again, and running his hand over the parts of my body he could reach.

I sucked him for another good 5 minutes (maybe more, I was not trying to look at the time), until my neck started to cramp from the movements it was not used to. I sat up, and we kissed some more. He moved his body so that he was next to me, wrapping his arm around my waist, to pull me in for a closer kiss.

After making out for a minute or two, he sat up to remove my pants. He ran his finger along my pussy, feeling my clit, then dipping two fingers into my very wet vagina. He thrusted his fingers in and out, slowly at first, then picking up speed when I got even wetter. He moved his now soaked fingers and rubbed circles around my clit, using the slightest pressure at first, and applying more as each small circle completed. He was kissing me at the same time his fingers were playing with my pussy.

Soon, his fingers were back inside me, fucking me even faster. “Mmm, that feels so good,” I moaned softly. With that, he sat up once more and reached for a condom at the side of my bed. Once it was on, he asked me if I wanted to be on top. I said “Sure, though I haven’t had much experience with it,” I answered slowly. “Thats ok, I’ll warm you up,” he said, and with that he entered me.

His first thrust banged my head against the footboard of my bed, so he grabbed my hips and scooted me down. He thrust into me again, this time without my head hitting anything. He picked up his pace and went to work.

I scratched my fingers down his back as his cock pounded my pussy, both of us breathing heavily and moaning. It had been a long time since my breathing became audible and I moaned during sex. It felt amazing. I did not try to quiet myself, though I did not get too loud.

He thrust deep, he thrust shallow. He moved his hips from side to side, letting his cock get every angle of my pussy. He rode me, and he rode me hard. I felt the pressure of my g-spot fill, as his cock tends to hit my g-spot perfectly. I tried to ignore the sensation that sometimes felt overwhelming, and concentrated on the good. I wrapped my hands around the footboard of my bed, moving my body with his, moaning and breathing heavily.

After a very amazing 15 minutes (at least, possibly more), he was ready to cum. He pulled me closer, and bent his head to kiss me, then gave several last deep, slow thrusts. We kissed some more, then I hurried to get dressed for work, and him for home. We chatted a bit, then it was time to go.

I was in a great mood that night, grinning from ear to ear. One coworker asked why I was glowing. I told them I was just in a really good mood from having an awesome day. I think everyone knew, or at least had an idea that I had just gotten VERY lucky in bed. I have to say that was some of the best sex I have had in over 2 years. Thank you D, you are great!

Faked

I got back to Leah’s apartment, where her and The T were waiting. I cuddled with The T a bit, before heading into the bathroom to change into my sexy clothes. I wore my yellow negligee with a black thong. They both told me how sexy I looked. The T and I made out for a bit, then we went to Leah’s room. Leah stayed in the living room to finish watching her show.

Things were a little awkward at first, so we started slow by just kissing with some heavy petting. Once I felt comfortable, The T and I got naked. I had never put on a condom before, so he had me do it. I fumbled a bit, but finally I got it.

I wasn’t really wet enough, so he decided to go down on me. It felt good, but not quite good enough. Luckily though, that made me wet enough. He slid his cock in slowly, riding on top of me. We kept this position for a bit, until he wanted to fuck me doggy style.

I had a problem keeping my ass higher than my head, but eventually we had the right position. We decided to get the bullet out, to try and make me cum. That is when Leah came in to join us. Before I got the bullet onto my now dripping wet pussy, she asked to go down on me. I said sure, and opened my legs once more.

Unfortunately, she did not last long down there because all she could taste was condom lube. I did not blame her one bit, so I went down on her instead. She was the first girl I went down on, and I hope she won’t be the last. I did just as I had always imagined myself doing with a girl, and slowly traced my tongue all along the pussy lips, then around the clit. She moaned, telling me I was doing it just right, but it would not make her cum. She had me stop so that The T and I could continue and she could use her vibrator.

The T had me put on a fresh condom and told me to climb on top. It was my first time on top, so the positioning was very awkward at first. Eventually I had a good hythm going, where I gripped the top of the head board and he used his hips to move me up and down. Sadly, just when I was really enjoying that position, I got a bad cramp in my hip, so we switched to him on top.

This time I had my bullet ready, and I got it on my clit while he fucked me. Leah stopped what she was doing with her vibe to encourage me to cum.

“Oh God, Leah, shes so close, shes so tight,” The T moaned.

“Ooo, I can tell shes close, by her breathing,” Leah said.

The truth was, I was close, but not close enough. The pressure of needing to cum was building, physically and emotionally. Unfortunately, the emotional pressure to cum outweighed the physical. Leah was so excited that I was gonna cum, I could not disappoint her. I started making the sounds I make when orgasming, and flexing my pussy around The T’s cock. They both encouraged me while I was cumming, and talking dirty to me. After a few seconds, I slowed down on the moaning and relaxed.
After I “came,” Leah went back to the living room to watch another show of hers. Once she was out of hearing distance, The T asked the dreaded question.

“You didn’t really finish, did you?”

I decided to be honest. “No, she was pressuring me so much I just couldn’t. I lost the closeness I had to cumming,” I said to him quietly.

“I understand completely, and thank you for being honest,” he said back.

That was the only time I faked my orgasm. I never really saw the point in faking. I think that if you fake an orgasm with someone, they think they are doing something right, and will never really know how to get you off. The only reason I faked this time was to not disappoint my hostess, who I knew we would never be hooking up again. I was glad The T was so understanding.

We ended up putting on a fresh condom so that he could at least have his orgasm. Leah was right, it was good sex with him. It was easy to turn down Toby after fucking The T. The T and I never got together again, unfortunately, because Leah decided she did not want to share him anymore. She was apparently jealous to see me fucking her “best friend.”

Good Sex

I was talking to a girl in my art class one day (several years ago), who also happened to be my neighbor and friend that hung out with my group in the cafeteria. I told her how much I hated the sex with Toby, but enjoyed the thrill of the moment, even though afterwards I felt like shit. That is when she told me that I just need to have good sex.

I told her thats great, but I don’t know anyone else that will have sex with me. She told me about The T. The T was one of her close friends, and knew how to pleasure a woman. He could not get off unless she got off. She also said she was willing to host us, and that we could stay over at her place.

A few nights later, I went over to her place to meet The T. He seemed nice, but I wasn’t quite comfortable enough to do anything sexual. We did kiss a bit, and I have to say, it was not bad. I was horny, but not ready. He understood and respected that, so we decided to try for next time.

The next time the three of us got together, we made a safeword (tricycle). We also planned how we would do things (her room, her bed, she would come in and watch once in a while, maybe join in). She asked me if he could fuck her too, or just me. I preferred that he just fuck me. She was fine with that.

I went home to get my bag of goodies (something sexy to wear, bullet, and strap on with Raquel), and told my mom that I was going to stay next door for the night.

To be continued…

Safeword

I have never really used a safeword. I have had one once, but it was never used. The word then became an inside joke between me and the people I used it with. The word was tricycle, and it was to be used in a somewhat threesome that I was in a couple years ago (a different post, I promise).

I know a lot of people use words like “orange” or “red” as their safeword. I am not sure how we came up with tricycle. I think it was just the fact that there were three of us, and we were trying to find random words that were unique enough to remember in the heat of the moment.

Our safeword never got used, but it sure did get made fun of. It became our inside joke when one of us would come up to the other (two) and say “I want to ride your tricycle.” No one knew what the hell we were talking about, it was great.

Habit

I have gotten into a habit, not sure if it is good or bad, but a habit nonetheless. I am thinking this habit is good, possibly a little weird, and one that I am afraid of getting annoying. I have gotten into the habit of saying “Thank you,” after a sexual encounter.

I got into this habit with Will. Since Will was not a very sexual person, I would thank him anytime things got sexual. I would even thank him when I did all the work (by sucking him off).

At first he seemed really turned off by me thanking him, feeling like he was abusing me (he actually said it like that). I explained that this was not the case at all, and that the reason I thanked him was because I wanted to show my appreciation for his sexual mood. He accepted that explanation, and began to thank me afterwards as well.

Even after Will I still thank my partner for sexual encounters. The two times I got with Toby after the break up I ended up thanking him. He thought he was king shit afterwards. With him, it was definitely not the case. It was just a habit, me thanking him.

However, when I got with D, it was definitely more than habit. I really was truly thankful that I had another chance to get with him, and glad that we weren’t as limited as we were the first time we hooked up in the woods outside our school.

After a couple times of saying “thanks,” he said that I didn’t have to thank him. I ended up apologizing, and explained the habit. We left it at that.

So really, I don’t know if this is a good or bad habit. It is polite at least, but I am not sure if its something I should break myself of or what. I really don’t mind thanking the other person for sex, but I certainly don’t thank myself for masturbating. That might be pushing the weirdness a bit.

Thanks ;)

D kissed me, and in doing so he sucked on my bottom lip. My first thought was that hes been reading my blog. I smiled and eagerly kissed back. He smiled, while kissing me some more. I took off his shirt.

I led him to my bed, where he first took off my shirt, then my pants and thong. As I was getting out a condom from my stash under my bed, he ended up getting the rest of his clothes off. I admired his body by running my hand over his chest, then taking his cock in my hands to put the condom on.

Once the condom was on, I scooted back onto my bed, where he climbed on top of my, guiding his cock into my ready pussy. I asked if I needed lube, as I wasn’t sure how wet I was.

“What do you think?” he asked, as he slid deeper inside, my wetness very audible.

“Ahh, I guess not,” I said, smiling.

He started with slow thrusts, then getting faster and deeper. He kept a very steady rhythm, only slowing down a few times to pace himself. Eventually though, he had to cum. He gave one last deep, slow thrust, then reaching himself forward to kiss me.

“Thank you,” he said, smiling.

“You’re very welcome, and thank you,” I said, grinning back.

Cumming Attractions

When I started my blog back up again, I reposted all of my old blog entries as well as read through them all. Several posts fascinated me, particularly the ones about my wireless bullet being used at work.

The other night at work, the idea of doing that again has been a real turn on. I think I will have to get it out again and do just that. There will definitely be an update.