What I Want and Why

I don’t want a boyfriend. There’s too much drama in that. I don’t want a boyfriend because then it’s necessary to be honest and communicate. The last time I tried to be honest and communicate it blew up in my face. Its just easier to have a friend with benefits.

I don’t want just a booty call, but I want an actual friend, that I can hang out with, laugh with, watch movies with, and have some great sex.

However, this is where my wants get confusing. During my online dating search, after realizing i don’t really want a boyfriend (and even somewhat ok with just a hook up at one point), I get really turned off when people message me just for sex.

I put two ads on Craigslist the other day. One was looking for a FFM threesome and the other for a date. The one for the threesome has kind of turned out to be a waste of time. The messages I have gotten are from guys pretending to have girlfriends just to try and get a hook up. That was a huge turn off. The ones that probably were legitimate answers weren’t impressed by my picture.

There have been only two guys that I have kept talking to that messaged me from the date thing. One guy (Country Boy) I actually want to see where it goes. The other guy I feel is more kind of a back up if CB doesn’t work out.

Back to CB; he seems to be exactly what I want. I will admit that there are a few things about him that are a huge turn off (he smokes cigarettes and pot), but besides those two things, we both seem to be looking for the same thing. He wants a friend to hang out with. He wants to cuddle, kiss, and have great sex. He wants to be my boyfriend, but without the title of actual boyfriend.

If we do meet, and things do work out and feelings develop then there is possibility of more later (though I think he was trying to tell me what he thinks I want to hear). The possible set up sounds perfect. However, there is one small problem. He lives out in the boonies, up on an isolated mountain. He works where he ives, kind or like a caretaker. He can’t leave his job for more than a day or so, meaning I would have to go up to him, and he can’t come down to me.

As great as sex out in the open air, by the pond, and all around the house sound, this makes me feel so vulnerable. He said I would be at least a 20 minute drive from the highway. He says I can either drive my car up to where he is, or park it at the bottom of the hill. I feel like I would be safer (and able to get away easier) if I had my car with me, but my car is old and hates hills.

We plan to meet halfway (about a 45 minutes drive for each of us) sometime next week, weather permitting. I really want to meet this guy, and besides the few turn offs, he sounds like we would get along great together. We will see.

Hit and Miss

Last Friday night, my last night off and feeling a little sorry for myself I get a message on Facebook. Its a guy I asked to hang out sometime (saying no). Not five minutes later, I get an email from Match.com saying someone winked at me. I signed on and checked them out. He seemed decent, so I winked back, and took it a step further by messaging him. I got no response.

Saturday afternoon, before work that day, I was feeling irritated and bummed all at the same time. I decided to give the Craigslist ad another shot. I wrote an ad and posted it. I got one response, that turned into kind of a dud (my fault).

About an hour later, I got a post from a guy that looked really familiar in the pictures he attached. It was the guy from match. I wrote back immediately, telling him I recognized him from match. He responded by saying that he did get my email, but he couldn’t reply because he was not a paid subscriber.

We chatted until I had to go to work that night. We planned to meet the next day at 4, at one of the local Starbucks. I was super excited for the coffee date. The next day I woke up to an email from him. We chatted a bit more until I started getting ready. Just as I was starting my car, I got another email from him telling me he had to cancel due to a family emergency.

I didn’t hear from him again until that night at work, when I emailed him my number to text, as it was a little easier than constantly checking my email. I immediately got a text from him. The next morning, after work, he texted me and asked me to meet him at the same place. I was tired, but decided to go anyways.

I got there, ordered hot chocolate (since coffee would keep me awake when I had to go to bed soon). He walked in right on time, and damn he looked better than his pictures. We sat down with our drinks and really hit it off. We talked about video games and Austrailia (where he just got back from).

After we finished our drinks is when I got stupid. He invited me to go for a drive with him, to the beach. I went with him. Obviously it turned out ok, as I type this now, but it could not have turned out so good. I got lucky.

Anyways, we got to the beach and just parked the car there. He situated himself so that he was facing me, and I did thew same for him. We talked about random things. I asked if he had any tattoos or piercings. He showed me a picture of his back tattoo. I didn’t tell him about my piercings, but I did tell him I was thinking of getting a tattoo.

After a while, it got quiet. I asked him what he was thinking. He said he was thinking that he wanted to kiss me. With less hesitation than I should have, I simply said, “Okay,” and leaned forward with him. Our lips touched and we began making out.

For the first time in five years, I got kissed with tongue. Honestly, it seemed kind of gross, since I wasn’t used to it anymore. He sensed my hesitation and asked me about it. I was honest and told him that it had been awhile. He told me to give it a try myself.

We made out some more, and I got used to it, almost kind of enjoying it. I started using my tongue myself. He told me I was a good kisser. I said he was too. We started necking, and it felt amazing. Then he started suckling on my ear.

We were holding hands the whole time, then he moved my hand to his leg. “Touch me,” he breathed. I said no, that kissing was as far as I would go at that point. He seemed kind of offended, and played dumb, acting like it was just his leg he wanted touched, not his cock. That was when my bullshit radar started going off.

We made out some more, talked some more, then made out again. Honestly, it was really fun, just making out like teenagers. He started to feel me up a bit, but I stopped him. After a bit more kissing, he decided we should head back, since he had some stuff to do. That was fine with me, as I was dead tired by this time.

I had a hell of a time sleeping that morning. I was calling anyone who was willing to chat, to tell them about my date and my stupidity. I got about 3 hours sleep that day. When I woke up, I asked when he wanted to hang out next. I got no response until the next afternoon, when he said that he didn’t think we would work because he might move faster than I am comfortable with.

He really had no idea, that I was actually quite comfortable with the idea of moving fast. It would have been a nice change of pace from Will. I didn’t tell him this, but pretty much told him I would be willing to put out within the next few dates. He asked when I was free next. I invited him to the movies that Thursday, my first night off.

The night before he started complaining of chest congestion. From then on I had a feeling he was gonna cancel on me. Worse than cancelling, he never showed. I have not heard from him since the morning before the movie. Another hit and miss. Time to move on.

Girl Boner

You know how it’s bad for a guy to have an erection for too long, so long it actually gets painful? Is that possible for females? I mean, I think how it works for girls in kind of the same way, the blood rushes to her vulva, only she gets wet instead of hard.

Anyways, I have been aroused so long (since Monday and this is Thursday as I write this). No amount or type of masturbation helps. Each thought of Josh makes my pussy drip with anticipation, and a rush so hard in my crotch it feels like a ten pound weight is pulling down on it. It is actually getting painful.

Who knows, maybe this is all in my head, but I am really glad I am not a guy because I think I would have had the longest lasting hardon in existence. Has any other female felt this way? Please email or comment.

Where to Draw the Line?

Being a sex blogger, I have a very naughty side. I like to share naughty experiences by writing a post about them.

The other day I went on a coffee date with a guy. We had a lot in common and I really enjoyed his company. After we finished coffee though, I did something incredibly stupid. I got in his car with him and went to the beach.

Everything turned out ok, as I am still here, but it could have gone horribly wrong. After talking a bit, we ended up making out. It was great, invigorating, making out like we were teenagers.

He kept trying to get me to go further, but I was a good girl and didn’t let him. However, I was dropping wet. It always amazes me how wet I can get. Just when I think I have never been wetter, I get wetter.

I wanted to do things. I wanted to bring him home and fuck him there. I am glad that I stopped myself, but at the same time I wanted to see how far it could go. I need posts to write, lol.

So I wonder where to draw the line. I really don’t feel like I have boundaries. I mean, I fucked a guy in the woods before I even knew his name. I got in a got with a guy I barely knew and made out while wanting things to go further. At the same time, I want a relationship. I want this guy to respect me, and the sooner I sleep with him, the less respect I would probably get.

The dirty details of the date to come soon.

Craigslist Ad

Well, I posted another Craigslist ad, in hopes of better results than last time. Maybe I sound a little bitchy and blunt, but I am sick of those shallow bastards that can’t handle a bigger girl. Here is the ad, what do you think? A little much, or just right?

__________
Well, I tried this a few months ago, but didn’t have much success because people can’t seem to get past looks (they quit talking after I sent my pic). I am not ugly (in fact, most days I think I have a pretty face), but I am quite a bit overweight (though losing those pounds slowly).

I love to cook, play video games, hang out with friends, and watch movies. I am 5’2″ with green eyes, blond hair (though dyed red), and glasses. I work nights so its hard to meet new people. I want to meet new people, and make new friends. I don’t smoke (anything) and rarely drink (as alcoholism runs in the family).

I want to meet someone fun and caring. Someone who likes the same things I do. I would like to try the dating scene, as I have never really dated. Hopefully things will turn more serious at some point? If not, thats fine. All past relationships just kind of happened for me, as I never really dated before. I won’t go into too much detail here, as I want to save stuff for us to chat about.

So, if you can handle a bigger girl I would love to hear from you.

Craigslist

I have made two craigslist ads in the past, once in mid 2009 and one about a month ago. Both were to “meet new people and make new friends.” I never did meet anyone that responded, but I did get a lot of responses.

The first time I placed an ad, I would only give my picture when I received one myself. The problem was that once they saw the picture I sent (of my face) each and every responder quit responding. I guess I wasn’t pretty or skinny enough for them. The only real creeper I got was someone messaging me, telling they were married and wanted to know if i would be their “on the side.” Hell no, I don’t want to be involved in that crap.

The second time I placed the ad, I got twice as many responses. There were actually several people I had ongoing conversations with, one of them lasting about 6 hours through email. The other few lasted off and on for a couple days. However, once they all got my picture, they never wrote back. My low self esteem was not surprised.

One guy actually made plans to meet up with me for coffee, but then when I sent my picture so that he would know who to look for, he cancelled the day of the plan to meet. At least he was decent enough to let me know he wouldn’t be there, rather than me waste my gas to go to the damn coffee shop. His excuse? He had to babysit his brother.

There were some guys that seemed really promising, until they either turned out to be shallow or creepy. Both were expected, obviously. I really was not surprised that once people saw me, they quit talking to me. Though I was kind of irritated because I did say that I was a bigger girl in the ad. Either they didn’t see that part, or didn’t think I was THAT big.

One guy who seemed to be really promising showed his creepy side on the second email when I asked him what he did in his spare time. His response? “I like getting head.” That was all he wrote. I never did write back to him.

Out of all the emails, only one seemed to be a bot. At first I thought he was real, real creepy, until I started getting a bunch of links in the emails.

Out of all the guys that saw my picture, only one said that I was “gorgeous.” Unfortunately, he kept sending that same thing. He sent his pic, and he turned out to be one of the tweekers where I work. I quit responding to him as well, but he didn’t get the hint and kept emailing me. He has finally stopped, and has not recognized me at the casino.

I don’t know if I will post on there again, but if I do, maybe I should put it in bold that I am fat? Maybe then they won’t waste my time or theirs.

Strap On

A week or two ago my friend Maya approached me with the idea of her and I experimenting together., She said she was unsure how far she wanted to go, but so far kissing and groping (above the waist), seemed ok. She seemed concerned on why she was having these feelings, and I tried to explain as much as I could, detailing how I first started out.

Her biggest problem seemed to be that I didn’t have a penis, and a penis is what she craves to have filling her pussy when she is turned on. I suggested strap on usage, and she said it sounded like a good idea. We both did a little shopping online, and I ended up getting the Raquel dildo (silicone) and the Jaguar harness (leather).

I waited anxiously all week, and today they finally came. Tonight I will test out the dildo by myself, see how it fits me. Eventually, she plans to wear the strap on and fuck me with it. I can’t wait.

It took me a while to figure out how in the heck the strap on fit or came on, but eventually I was wearing it and the dildo. For some reason I really liked wearing it, especially sitting at my desk, playing at the computer. Wearing the harness and dildo made me really horny, and I plan to go fix that problem as much as I can as soon as my batteries are done charging.

Blind Date

January of 2007 I went on my first blind date. I was really excited, as I had always wanted to go on a blind date. My best friend’s sister’s boyfriend had a friend who had a friend that was looking for a blind date and thought I would be perfect for him.

I was a little weary at first, because I knew that the boyfriend’s friend did not like me much. Apparently he was scared of me. It took a little coaxing, but finally I agreed. They couple called me and the friend back and forth, and we agreed to meet at a local coffee shop that Monday.

When I got to the coffee shop, I noticed it was a little busy, since it was lunch time rush. I looked around, but I had no idea who I was looking for. All I knew was his name. I didn’t see anyone that looked like they were waiting to meet someone. The only person that really stood out to me was a guy reading a book, and a pile of notebooks in front of him. He looked like he was studying.

I got in line and ordered my drink. After I got my drink I took it to  high table and started to slowly sip, I sat there looking around, slowly sipping my drink. After sitting there for about 10 minutes, I started to feel a little pissed off. I took out my cell phone, but didn’t have any reception. I grabbed my stuff with full intentions of stepping outside to call my friends. Just as I was getting off my seat, the guy I noticed reading earlier came up to me and asked if my name was Tashamber. I said yes and confirmed his name. I noticed he had the bluest eyes I have ever seen.

I set my stuff back down and sat back down and he joined me. He said he saw a picture of me from my MySpace, but that I looked a little different from my picture. We talked a little bit, and he talked about what he was studying. We get to talking, and he talks about how his friend came to deciding to set us up. Apparently, his friend that was terrified of me thought we would be a perfect match because “I liked sex.”

Great, this person thinks I am going to jump his bones. I tell him that his friend had me all wrong, and  that I was all talk and no game. I still had only kissed a guy, and that being the farthest I have ever gone, besides the stuff I had done online. He said he understood, so we just talked about anything in general.

After about thirty minutes of talking, getting to know each other, we decide to go to get something to eat. I was too nervous to have anything, but he got some food. We chose a table and sat down. We get to talking about sex, and all of his past relationships. I was thinking that this guy really got around. I got into detail of my two boyfriends, the one in real life and the one online.

Well, besides the first impression, I thought we were really hitting it off. At least, I felt like we were hitting it off until the very end of our blind date when he tells me he is in a long distance relationship as well as seeing six other people. Then he had the balls to tell me that if I ever wanted to learn anything about being with a guy that I should give him a call. That right there was a total turn off. I played it cool though, and he walked me to the bus stop, we exchanged numbers, and he gave me a hug goodbye.

We ended up adding each other to MySpace, and a few days later he left me a comment saying how much fun he had and to give him a call. I ignored the comment, and the next day he called and asked if we could go out again. I told him I wasn’t sure, and I would call him when I found out what my work schedule would be. At the time I didn’t want to say no, so I was glad when work prevented me from going out with him again. I don’t think we have talked since.