Bedtime Story – Part 4

Nodding a little, Michelle concentrated, letting the glow sink over her and reveal the Venusaur. “So….”

Shalina watched the change, still fascinated at how fusions work. “Good to see you again Orchid.”

“You too.” Orchid put a hand on her shoulder, perhaps a bit more roughly than he thought. “Got any plans for the next few hours?”

“Hmm, not really. Just letting what ever happens happen. No set plans. I like to live moment by moment,” Shalina replied, wondering what Orchid had in mind.

One vine uncoiled, then another, a sweet, sedative scent wafting from the flower as Orchid smiled.

<Page> You page, “he’s in one of his ‘Orchid’ moods as I call them >.> basically aiming to sedate, restrain, and carry her off to wherever and have some fun” (Sent to Fijora)

Shalina closes her eyes, taking in the sweet scent, finding it very relaxing. She inhales deeply, exhaling slowly.

Orchid firmly rubbed along a shoulder, letting her relax, trying to hide his grin, certainly not seeming intimidated by the fire-type.

Shalina relaxes even more with the shoulder rub. She seems to have trouble keeping her eyes open.

Watching her eyes and keeping that restrained smirk, Orchid kept up the rub, those vines moving it to her back as well, watching things grow hazy – he’d used this tactic many times in combat, starting off with a sleep powder, and it seemed to work well here too…

Shalina seems to melt at the back rubs. She feels like she could sleep right now, but something in her wants her to stay awake. Is it that scent that is making her so relaxed and sleepy?

Orchid purred softly, “Getting sleepy, dear? Don’t worry, I can guard you…” he leaned in to nuzzle along her cheek lightly, the rubs staying strong.

Shalina half nodded, half mumbled. Yes she was getting very sleepy. Any second now and she would be if Orchid kept this up.

Letting himself fall silent, Orchid kept it up indeed, laying back down beside her.

A few more seconds and Shalina was out, sleeping peacefully after what seemed forever of drifting off. Her breathing became slow and even.

When the world returned, it seemed a lot darker, lit only by a candle against one corner of a room, smelling of underground, with Orchid nowhere to be found, and an odd weight around both ankles and both wrists, an almost sinister chuckling coming from behind. The

Venusaur had her where he wanted her. “Wakey wakey growlie…”

Shalina slowly opened her eyes, tried to stretch, but noticed she was restrained. “Eh? Orchid? Umm…” she kind of trailed off, unsure of what to do. She was slightly excited, but also confused as to what did happen.

He’d left her laying on her side, arms raised, laying in front of him, facing away. Letting his vines hold her arms and legs, his hand rubbed along her cheek softly, “Keiki said some… very good things about you, Shalina… I’m tempted to see if they’re all true.”

Shalina blushed at what Keiki may have possibly told Orchid. “Oh really? And what exactly did he say?” She may have blushed, but she was also feeling even more excited at what could happen next.

Orchid scooted in, tugging his vines lightly to roll her to face him – clad in nothing but those fine, bluish scales, and from the looks of things, well-informed of a particular tent exploit or two, and clearly aroused from them. “That you were oh so worth it… and a little confused on what it meant to the other halves of his fusion.” He grinned, “Don’t worry, growlie… the most I’d hurt you would be if you got pregnant.”

Shalina tried to gather her thoughts. She had never seen this side of Orchid before, and it seemed to be quite the turn on to her. She definitely liked someone taking control. “I never worried about you hurting me. In fact, I believe what you said earlier, about protecting me,” she said with a sly smile.

“Then let’s get these off,” Orchid half-purred, half-growled, moving the vines and deploying a few more to tug along her clothing, working on leaving her in just her fur. “Don’t worry Shalina.” He smirked, “No one will notice or be able to hurt us here. I don’t think you’ll miss Keiki at all after I’m through with you…”

“Oh? And how do you plan on doing that? I look forward to seeing what you got,” Shalina said feistily, flexing her wrists, and stretching now that she was finally no longer restrained.

The four vines pulled back, one of them lowering to tease along the base of her tail, up along toward her lower belly, as he reached for her shoulders and pulled her close, leaning in to nibble along the crook of her neck.

A few moments’ teasing and Orchid purred, continuing to nibble, <So, Shalina… have you seen any others of your own kind? Males, specifically?> he murmured, letting his arousal lay against her bare stomach, vines wrapping around the pair.

“Mmm, seen in what way?” Shalina asked. She had an idea of what he meant but wanted to make sure. Feeling his arousal on her bare stomach made her insides do nervous flip flops. She reached and felt his hardness, getting wet at feeling how aroused he was.

“Seen them aroused,” Orchid clarified, letting out a deep growl at the grip on his length, pulsing to the touch. “Rrrh… specifically…” he took her hand, moving it somewhat back, revealing an unusually canine growth at the base, still small but tactile. “… here.”

“Well, no actually. You and Keiki are the only ones I have been with to be honest,” Shalina blushed, feeling almost shy, and somewhat inexperienced.

“Usually it’s growlithes, vulpixes, eevees, and such that have these, but… a few others have them too,” Orchid purred, nibbling a little deeper, lowering his hips a little, rolling her onto her back and straddling her hips, sitting up for a moment tn gaze down at the trapped growlithe-fusion, slowly rubbing himself along her hand with a pacified growl. “Mmm…”

“Oh, ok,” Shalina murmured, unsure of what to say. She smiled mischeviously as Orchid rubbed himself along her hand. Her heart was pounding, excited anticipation filling her.
“Mmmm, so, what do you plan on doing with that?” she asked, taking hold of him, rubbing him, feeling his hardness.

Orchid’s eyes slid closed as he continued to rock, filling out fully in her hand, steadily pulsing back up to full arousal as he shivered softly, the vines retracting. “Mmnnn…. I…” the captor had lost himself, unfortunately, the frond letting out a sweet scent, familiar yet not sedative this time, and his mind too focused on the pleasure growing in his loins from her hand alone. “Rrrr….”

“Hmm? You like that?” Shalina asked, feeling him grow. His growing hardness made her even more aroused. She picked up her pace a little bit, giving him a firmer grip.

“Careful,” Orchid growled, leaning down to rest on all fours above her, grunting and gritting his teeth, pulsing in his grip, knot swelling a bit. “Too much of this and… I won’t fit inside… I’ll have to mess up all your lovely fur or feed it to you…”

“Mmm, which would you prefer?” Shalina asked, lifting her hips a little to give Orchid a suggestion. She also licked her lips, hoping to give him another option. She slowed down her rubbing to give him a little room to think. She loved feeling how aroused she made him, and was tempted to test hers and his limits.

“Depends… on…” Orchid struggled, the scent growing as he leaned down, pulling his hips back to tease along her tunnel, a few prods finding the mark and the pent-up venusaur quickly diving himself as deep as he could with a feral roar!

Shalina lifted her hips when she felt him enter her, giving off a shudder of pleasure. She squeezed him where he filled her, making herself tighter for his pleasure. “Mmmm, you feel good inside me,” she whispered in his ear. She lifted her head a bit to find his neck and licked, then gave a playful nibble.

Taking a moment to settle against her, Orchid growled softly, closing his eyes and nuzzling her cheek, only to groan and pulse heavily at the bite to his neck, shivering and stretching it out as he started to thrust. “Nnngggh… Shalina….” his growls pained, yet pleasured, pre eagerly leaking against her eggs…

Shalina began slowly rocking her hips. She smiled at his reaction to the bite and softly licked and gave a few more love nips. “Mmmm,” she moaned, wrapping her front paws around his back, starting some light scritches.

Paws found the base of the flower, then his muscular back a bit lower. Orchid bucked eagerly against her, panting for breath, groaning softly as his knot continued to swell, pinching in and out, “Ggghh… last… chance to…. GAH!” he growled, suddenly holding himself deep against her, pulsing rapidly, knot quickly swelling and tying the pair together as he trembled, struggling to stay up…

“Hmm? Last chance to what?” Shalina breathed, running her claws gently up and down his back, careful of the flower. Her hips still rocking, she picked up the rhythm a little bit, rocking them faster, feeling Orchid getting close, her own climax near as well.

Orchid tightly shut his eyes, starting to thrust again, though the tie left him only able to jab sharply, stuck inside and continuing to pulse, the pre thickening as he gripped her shoulders, holding on, trying to hold it off. “C-celebi it’s close….”

“Ooh, right there, so close,” Shalina murmured in Orchid’s ear. She let her claws dig in a little more, still being careful of the flower, while rocking her hips as fast as she could, as much as the tightness would let her.

Orchid tossed his head back, holding tightly to her shoulders, before diving back down and biting on her neck, growling loudly into her crook as the dam broke, unloading his thick seed against her eggs, eyes tightly closed as he worked on filling his chosen and knotted female full of their young…

“Ahh, yeah,” Shalina moaned in pleasure as she wrapped her front legs around Orchid, herself tightening around him as she also reached climax, her body shuddering in warmth and pleasure. She lifts her head slightly to find his lips, giving him a deep and passionate kiss. “Thank you,” she whispers in his ear.

Coming down from climax feeling unusually empty, finding his lips pressed to hers, Orchid purred lightly, keeping his eyes closed and nuzzling her softly, one hand moving to her belly as if to feel for the warmth he’d left there. “Rrh… don’t… think it’s over,” he growled, grinning lightly. “Neither of us is going anywhere until my knot unswells…” he gave a short thrust, groaning, and loosing a shot of what didn’t come out with his earlier peak. “… and that may be a while,” he smirked.

Shalina’s eyes opened to see Orchid smiling, and smiled herself. “Well, we have all night. I certainly don’t plan on going anywhere,” Shalina said, grinning at the idea of going at it again. She started to tingle between her legs, remembering how he had her tied up, in total control over her.

“Me either… and… ha, Keiki’s proposing a bet…” Orchid laughed softly, nibbling on Shalina’s neck again, resting for the moment. “Seeing whether the Venusaur or the Floatzel can give you an egg first… rrr…” feeling the tingle he held still, needing a while to rest before another romp.

“Heh, who do you think will win?” Shalina chuckled at the proposed bet. She found the weight of Orchid on top of her comforting, she noticed. She reached up to kiss him again. “So, do you agree with what Keiki said about me being worth it and all?” she asked, lifting her eyebrows, curious at what he thought of her.

“Me, obviously,” Orchid grinned, nuzzling eagerly. “Worth it? Of course… you’re so fun to dominate. I’m going to -enjoy- making you swell with eggs…” he rubbed her belly firmly, “Nice and warm, too… and… rrrh…” he testingly drew back, tugging on her passage with his knot, then thrusting once, then again, seemingly recovered. “Hope you’re ready…”

“Mmmm, always ready. And to be honest, I enjoyed being dominated like that. It was quite thrilling,” Shalina stated, lifting her hips slightly, getting ready to start rocking again.

Grunting eagerly as he started to thrust anew, still held in place by that knot, Orchid growled happily, loving such a hot squeeze on his arousal and letting short fingerclaws dig into her shoulders. “Dominated, huh…? Maybe I should treat you like I do most wild ‘mon then…” his vines extended, twitching and shivering with his pleasures.

“Mmm, maybe you should. I might like that,” she replied, tightening herself at his thrusts.

Orchid took a deep breath, “Maybe… after… nngh!” he growled suddenly, thrusting once and starting to pulse rapidly again, nibbling along her neck, ears folding back. “Ohh… gods!” he rumbled, the spasming against her tightness setting him off again, his second peak as productive as the first…

Shalina gasped at the sudden filling. Knowing that he was climaxing was enough to get her to the top as well, her body shivering in spasms of pleasure. “Mmm, you feel so good,” she said, wrapping herself tight around him, loving him.

Her peak kept his going, the venusaur unloading himself fully, his hand moving back to her belly to feel every twitch and tightening as he sprayed again, panting over her neck and letting the feelings consume him completely, kept spasming against her eggs for quite some time. “Nnngh…. so good…. rrr…”

Shalina lifted her neck slightly, just enough to reach her lips to his to give him a soft and gentle kiss, then nuzzled into his neck, kissing it, then, smiling to herself gently nibbled it, wondering how he would react.

The nibbles to his neck found him starting to cool down, but with the sensation he tightened again, the sedative powders loosing from his flower as he found himself still caught in his peak, hugging her tightly, his vines still twitching from the release.

“Mmm, you like that, huh?” she asked lightly, knowing what she does to him, proud at herself for making him so worked up. Shalina felt his hug tighten, and hugged him back, feeling warmth and comfort in his arms/vines.

Bedtime Story – Part 3

Keiki’s head tilted lightly, as if noticing an odd scent in the air, before he doused the fire, opened up the tent flap, and crawled inside, curling up along the outside wall.

Shalina followed inside, stomach still going crazy with what she would call a nervous excitement. She curled up along the opposite wall, not sure what to do. The obvious answer was to sleep, but her mind was going crazy with images of things she never thought of before.

“Feeling okay? Any shortness of breath, or… anything else?” Keiki asked, not really having much room except to lay next to her, rumbling slightly, still dressed in nothing but trunks. So businesslike with his bloodline, it seemed.

“Heh, funny you should ask. Honestly, I feel slightly short of breath. Not sure why, though I don’t think its from anything that happened today. How about you, how are you feeling?” Shalina asked, with a mental image of Keiki snuggling up to her in the middle of the night.
Oh, how nice that would be, she thought to herself.

“Pretty good actually, I don’t often get visitors,” Keiki purred, scooting a little closer to hug and nuzzle cheek to cheek if she seemed receptive, his ears comfortably laying back as he let out a soft yawn.

Shalina smiled at the nuzzle, and scooted closer to Keiki. Impulsively (which she had been feeling more impulsive each time they met, she reached out her neck and gave Keiki a quick kiss on the cheek. Just as quick as she did it though, she pulled her neck back to where it was, shocked at what she had just done. She was proud, yet shocked.

“Mm…” Keiki’s purr grew, his nuzzles a little stronger as he cuddled close, enjoying the warmth. He leaned in closer, snuffling lightly along her neck, ‘mon instincts seeming to take over as his tails swayed softly.

Shalina cuddled closer, her instincts taking over as well. Her tail flicked a little, then began to wrap around Keiki’s tail.

Feeling the tails wrap, Keiki closed his eyes, mumbling something soft about an egg, then rearing up onto his knees briefly to move her beneath him, resting over her back and taking her vulnerable scruff in his jaws with a soft tug – a sign of domination, one hand hugging her tightly as the other tried to keep his growing need from permanently damaging his trunks.

Shalina intakes a breath, startled but excited at the tingly feeling between her legs. She lets Keiki move her under him, and moans slightly at his sign of domination. She wraps both arms around him, hugging his back while arching her hips up towards the bulge in his trunks.

Keiki growled softly, his eyes still closed, turning to her clothing after freeing himself. He couldn’t lie to himself, the sight and scent of her soft fur enticing him, oh how he wanted nothing to separate them, seeming almost impatient with the hindering clothing in the way, claws prickling lightly along her belly as he fumbled with the belt.

Shalina removes her arms from around Keiki long enough to help him get off her shirt. As soon as her shirt was off, she wraps her arms around him, letting her nails slide up and down his back, softly digging into the fur, turning the rubs into scratches. She reaches her head up to nip at his neck, softly kissing and sucking along it.

“Ayi…” Keiki arched out above her, giving her access to his neck for those touches, one arm holding him up as the other tossed her shirt aside, then worked on her pants, his length aching, so close yet so far, his heart starting to pound against hers, the float collar fully inflating.

Shalina notices his reactions to the love bites and keeps it up, kissing and suckling on his neck. She feels that tingling between her legs get more urgent, also feeling very wet there. She arches her hips again to make it easier for Keiki to get off her pants.

Keiki kept his neck stretched out for those attentions, panting softly, his eyes closed and jaw agape as he tugged off those pants, hind claws catching and bunching them up against the side of the tent. He whimpered softly, his free hand roaming around her lower belly, seeking that wetness…

Shalina keeps up the attention to Keiki’s neck, her nips and sucks between light and deep (but making sure not to be too rough). She lowers her hips and wraps her legs around Keiki, just out of pure instinct.

Letting out a soft groan at the tight wrap, Keiki found he couldn’t resist her any longer, letting himself drop enough to tease her vitals with his own briefly before finding his mark and hugging her tightly, making the first siring plunge as he pressed his cheek tightly to hers with a deep, unsatisfied feral growl – this floatzel had his growlithe, and he sought to rut her, to make it count even if it meant making it hurt.

Shalina gasped as she felt Keiki enter her, filling her with his hardness, sliding in so easily thanks to her wetness. She feels herself wrap around him as he’s inside her, making a slow pulsating sensation for him. She arches up her hips to take in more of him, he felt so good.

Keiki let out a firm grunt, pressing as deep as their bodies would allow, holding himself there to feel her body against his, collar pillowing against her chest as he held tightly to her shoulders, hind claws tearing holes in the tent floor to give him leverage. Briefly lifting his head to nuzzle her cheek, then kiss softly, he let it fall again to close jaws on her neck before starting a rhythm, slow and powerful.

“Mmmm…” Shalina let out as Keiki bit her neck. She never would have imagined this felt so good, as she started her own rhythm with her hips going up and down. She continues the scratching down his back, her nails digging in a little bit more with each thrust.

Arching his back into those scritches, Keiki let out a loud growl, especially as one strayed close to his float, his hold shifting from loving to passionate as he picked up speed, his teeth teasing along her vulnerable throat, one eye staring down into one of hers, narrowed, challenging…

Shalina looked back into Keiki’s eyes, smiling. Seeing the challenge in his eyes, she arched her neck back for him, trusting him completely. As his speed picked up, so did the movements of her hips. “Mmm, harder,” she moaned.

The purrs and growls doubled as that Floatzel saw his female’s response, rising to his challenge, egging him on. Half enraged, half encouraged, he held nothing back, claws digging into her shoulders just shy of drawing blood, swollen, pulsing shaft diving deep against her eggs with every thrust, hips forcing it fully inside as quickly as they could.

Fighting the growing burn in his muscles he stiffened around her, tightening, his body warming up… he wouldn’t be able to keep this up for long, but by damn, he wouldn’t go out with a whimper!

“Mmmm, that feels so good,” Shalina moans, nails digging lower into Keiki’s back, hips moving as fast as they can. She tightened herself around Keiki’s shaft, beginning the pulsating as best she can. She looks into his eyes, searching for a kiss, warm and passionate.

Ears perked to her moans, and Keiki held himself high in the fevered rhythm of their siring for as long as he could, but quickly the moment was upon him, hurriedly pulling his jaws away from her neck and arching against her, holding himself tightly to her and letting out a loud purring growl into the small space of the tent, one final thrust seating himself fully inside, pulsing rapidly, unloading his seed against her eggs with every pound of his heart against hers!

Shalina’s back and hips arched, allowing Keiki to be fully inside, legs wrapped around tight, the orgasm was upon her as well as she moaned, feeling herself pulsate around his shaft, as if her body was helping him pump out his seed. Once her body stopped quivering from the spasms of pleasure, she lowered herself back down to the tent floor and hugged
Keiki, nuzzling his neck.

As soon as it had arrived, it was gone, and Keiki found himself weakening, slowly lowering himself down to rest on top of her, panting hotly over her cheek as he softly nuzzled back, his growls quieting to pleasured purrs. His fur was drenched with sweat, and he still twitched every so often against and inside her, catching his breath and enjoying the second half of a productive day.

“That was amazing, beautiful,” Shalina breathed, reaching up to lick Keiki’s neck, grooming him. She then moved her head so that she could look into his eyes. She felt the heat rush her again, but she kept it at bay, feeling Keiki’s exhaustion. “Thank you,” she said softly as she slowly reached out to kiss him. The feeling had been growing, but Shalina was sure that what she was feeling for Keiki was love. She smiled at the thought as their lips touched.

Looking down upon her, Keiki nodded lightly, only able to purr in reply, leaning down to kiss as she wished, and panting softly through his nose. Slowly he let his eyes close, deepening the kiss, fully relaxing, even with them together so… his shaft twitching and swelling again within her folds, as if it was preparing for another despite its owner’s exhaustion.

Shalina feels a second wind as she feels Keiki swell inside her, the wetness already starting again. She closes her eyes as he kisses her, and smiles within herself. Today may have had a turn for the worst, but it sure made up for itself. She wonders what Keiki is going to do about the swelling cock inside her. She pulsates her opening around it, inviting him to go again, providing he has the energy.

Gasping softly at the tight grip, Keiki arched out above her, panting softly and drawing himself mostly out, shivering against her, thrusting himself slowly back in and purring harshly from the feelings of being against her so. “Hrrh… I… hope you’re… prepared,” he warned, moving with half the speed, but double the feeling. “… I’ll… keep at it until… you egg…” he blushed lightly, some of his master’s restraint showing but not much.

Shalina raises her hips in response, ready for anything, and pleased at the response Keiki had to her inviting tightness (and wetness). Once again she reaches up to start the pattern of nipping and sucking at his neck, nails scratching into his back.

“We… Floatzels… don’t last long, but… quickly…” he panted, nuzzling her cheek, “… recov–aaah!” he growled, arching out again, leaving his neck open, the feeling of the bite prompting a sharp tense and a blast of what didn’t quite make it out last time, his renewed strength pulsing eagerly against her vitals as he rocked firmly, his hands resting against the ground, keeping him up and open to her to dominate in return.

“Mmm, you’re doing just fine,” Shalina breathes into his ear. Moving from his neck, Shalina takes the love nips and suckles to his ear, concentrating on his lower ear lobe, moving her tongue softly over it, teasing him with it. There were other things she wanted to do with her mouth and tongue, but she was too shy to offer. He had to ask for it.

Not that he would, likely – he seemed content enough with getting his pleasures (and hers) from how they lay, and a little too focused on ensuring they’d sire to put it any other place. Feeling her tongue and teeth move to his ear, he let it lay back for her, his purrs falling a bit as he kept moving, keeping the rhythm even, whimpering softly. “Nnn… my… neck…. bite it…. nngh!” he pleaded softly, gripping the ground, tails flicking wildly… it didn’t seem to take too much more to work him back up to full heated power.

Feeling a surge of wetness at the command, Shalina went to his neck and bit. “You like that?” she asked him under her breath, “mmmm, like that, right there, feels sooo good,” she panted, then went back to teasing his neck and bit, nipping, kissing, and finally sucking, with her tongue massaging where she bit.

Keiki let out a defeated moan and tightened against her, his eyes closing and ears folding, helpless but to drive himself deep once again, the attentions to his neck triggering another release as he held on as tightly as he could, struggling to stay up as he kept unloading…

Shalina lifted her hips as much as she could, tightening herself around Keiki’s shaft, urging him to let it out, her own orgasm coming on stronger than the last. She felt her body pulsate around him, and as the last spasms shake her body, heart pounding, she wraps her arms around Keiki and pulls him for a close hug. “I love you, Keiki,” she whispers in his ear. She looks up into his eyes, going for another kiss.

Her attention kept his going, appropriate to his type, leaving him well and truly running on empty by the time they’d relaxed against each other. He laid his cheek to hers, panting slowly, eyes fluttering as he let out a soft, pleasured groan. “Rrr… Shalina… thank you,” he murmured, lazily kissing back.

Sex Dreams

It’s been over two weeks since I last got any action. I kind of got used to getting laid by D every week. Unfortunately the last time we hung out, neither of us were much in the mood. We did not hang out this weekend because I was moving. Heh, at least our last romp in my apartment was memorable.

Lately, I have been having sex dreams. As I write this, I have had 4 in the last two nights, three of them in the same night, one right after the other.

The other morning Will helped me move my bed and dresser to the new place. As he was giving me a hug goodbye, he told me he missed giving me bear hugs, then proceeded to give me one. I miss his bear hugs too, damnit, but he’s the one that threw it all away. I just told him I missed them too and hugged tighter. In a way it was nice to hear, but it hurt me more I think.

That night when I was sleeping, the dreams began. The first dream I had was about Will. Honestly, I kind of dread dreams about him because they are always of us getting back together. I am happy in the dream, but when I wake up I feel more alone than ever. Anyways, in the dream, as he hugged me goodbye, he said he missed me, missed us. We kissed, and ended up going back to the empty apartment to make love. Then I woke up.

The next night I had pretty much the same dream, only this time we were hanging out at his place. We were drinking, just chatting. He started to get a bit tipsy and told me he still loved me. We made out, and just as things started to get heavy, he pulled himself away and told me he couldn’t do that while he was drunk. I woke up then, incredibly horny.

Not soon after, I fell back asleep and had a dream about D and I hooking up. It was my last night in my apartment and we wanted to make the best of it. It was hot, as usual. It was also very animalistic, with me riding on top. In this dream however, we were also more than friends.

As soon as that dream ended, I had another dream in which I was at home and dry humping my floor, chairs, and bed. I was excited in the dream because I was not using a vibrator and was about to get off.

My clit was burning with the building climax. In the dream, Someone showed up and tried to help. The pressure built even more and I felt so close. Until I woke up and had to piss like a racehorse. I wonder, if I had came in the dream, if I would have pissed my bed or had my first dreaming orgasm. Either way would have been a wet dream, pun intended.

Giving Without Receiving

I used to take pride in giving good head. I felt like that was the one thing I excelled at when being with a guy. I loved the control I had, the trust he had to have in me to let me use my mouth (where theres teeth) on his dick. Everyone that I have ever sucked has always said it was the best they ever had. Maybe all guys say that to every girl, but I was happy to believe them, and still do.

However, after Toby, I kind of quit caring about giving head. It was ruined for me in a lot of ways. I realized this when I was with The T several years back. I know exactly why I don’t care about giving head so much anymore.

You see, The only one to truly ever return the favor was Ex #4. He would eat me out for forever it seemed, though sadly it was more relaxing than climaxing. Yeah, Nathan, Tiffany, Leah, and The T have went down on me, but it was always for less than a minute or two because they found other things to do to me.

The times I was with Toby I would ask him to return the favor, he would always make up some excuse on why he couldn’t. I finally gave up asking when his last excuse was that “he heard he wasn’t supposed to go down on a girl unless he was in love with her.” I know that excuse was total bullshit. That is when I quit caring about giving head.

When I played with The T, he wanted me to suck him. I was adamant that it was not going to happen, but I finally compromised for just a little bit of suckage. I hated it, and that was the first time I didn’t take my time or care in what I was doing. I felt like it was substandard, though he disagreed.

I started enjoying giving head again when I sucked D in the woods. It was new, and exciting. I took great care in what I was doing.

I took even greater pride in what I was doing when I gave Will head. It was his favorite of the few things he allowed us to do together. I made sure to give good head because I wanted him to come back for more (since our sexual time was so few and far between), though I didn’t enjoy giving as much as I used to. Several times, after he came, he would mention how sometime he would like to return the favor.

One night I really wanted him to return the favor, so I asked him to do just that. I had actually really enjoyed giving him head. I had taken my time, and used my skill to the fullest. After he came, I asked if he would go down on me. He said no. I asked him why, since he said he wanted to return the favor. That is when he told me that the idea of going down on a girl was never much of a turn on. I asked how he expected to return the favor. He said that it would happen by having sex. He then left for food, and I sat in bed and cried. The last excuse Toby gave me came back to mind. I cried even harder. I felt like there was something wrong with me.

He came home, saw me crying and comforted me. I explained what was wrong when he asked. That is when he learned my true sexual past. He had always had bits and pieces before, but this time I finished the puzzle. I felt better, though was still a bit pissed. I eventually got over the fantasy of him going down on me.

Lately I have been craving tongue on my clit. It just sounds like it would feel really good. There have been several times that I thought D was going to do it, just from his postion at times, or how he kisses my stomach, all the way down to my mound. He never has done it for me, and I have been afraid to ask because I don’t want to ruin my liking of giving him head if he says no.

I really like giving D head, and I always have. He makes me want to give more head. I read the posts I write about sucking him, and they get me very wet and sexually excited. He brings back the old me.

Kissing

Something I was thinking about tonight was kissing. I was thinking of all the people I have kissed, and how each person kisses differently. I was also thinking how weird it is kissing someone after kissing someone else for 2+ years.

I thought Will would be the last guy I kissed in my life, as we had planned a future together. After we broke up, I wondered who the next guy would be to kiss me. It turned out to be D.

It was so different and exciting kissing D. Honestly it took me a second to realize how different it was. See, when Will used to kiss me, he would just automatically take my bottom lip and suck on it a little. He had done that from day one. I loved it.

I feel kind of bad, because I think in my mind as D and I kissed that first time, I kept waiting for him to take my bottom lip. He never did. It took me a few kisses to realize that he wouldn’t. I hope that didn’t hinder my kissing ability. (Though honestly no one has told me whether or not I am a good kisser, so I really don’t know how I am/was).

As good as it felt to have my bottom lip sucked on during kissing, I think its a good thing that he never did that. I think this because if he had taken my bottom lip, I might start to associate D’s kisses with Will. If that were to happen there is a good chance I could become attached more to D than either of us are ready for.

Healing

I will be honest. I don’t think I am 100% over Will. On the outside I really am, and I feel like I am putting on a show, because on the inside I have completely mixed feelings.

At most times, I feel like he did me a favor. I felt like his reason for leaving was stupid and selfish. I am glad that we never got married, because it would have gotten worse. I am also glad because several times I thought of leaving him myself, since I felt like his computer was more important to him than me.

However, some times, I just feel empty. He is very excited for this year, because he is planning on doing all of the things that we planned on doing (though now by himself). He is going to fly to see the east coast, and maybe meet one of our mutual online friends. He is going to go to Seattle to meet another friend of ours.

Granted, they were his friends first, and he introduced them to me, but still. It makes me feel left out. He also told me at the beginning of the break up that he was going to go to the gym, now that he didn’t have me as a distraction. What the fuck? I never stopped him from going, he was just too involved in his computer games, yet blamed me for not going. He said it was because I wouldn’t go with him to the gym. Well, I’m sorry I was having really bad feet problems, like a collapsing arch.

Sometimes I wonder if he ever regrets his decision to leave me. I also sometimes wonder how I would react if he told me he wanted me back. A part of me does, just out of pure dread at the idea of having to meet someone new and get to that comfortable stage. The stage where nothing bothers the other about the other. The other part of me that does not want him back is the part that I think has the most sense. I say this because if we were to get back together, things would never be the same. I would always feel like I am walking on eggshells, afraid to say something wrong to him, and he would probably always put his computer first. It really is better that we just stay friends. So far its working, kinda.

I am trying really hard to stay his friend, and mostly it is working. We are slowly spending more time together. This week he is going with me to get my nipples pierced, and when I move he is gonna help me with the deposit, and then I will pay him back when I get the deposit back on the apartment that we had together. He is also going to share his storage unit with me if there is not enough room for my stuff at the new place, and I will share the cost of it. When I move, he will also move my bed and dresser for me, since he has a pick-up and i have a car.

As far as break ups go, I feel like ours was very clean, as much as it hurt and how messy it seemed in the beginning. Will is someone that i think (I hope) I can always count on, and the same goes for him.

Rebuilding

I have been making a lot of changes in the past few weeks. Some of these changes are new, some are old.

First things first, I am rebuilding my life. When Will and I broke up, I felt like everything came crashing down. I am learning more about myself, as well as learning how to depend on myself. Before I always depended on others for everything, especially financially. I had never lived alone, and I felt like that was something I needed to do most, no matter how much it hurt financially.

Most times living alone is lonely, and I hated it at first, but now I am starting to appreciate it. I get the dishes done as soon as I use them, unlike when Will would just let them pile up without even being rinsed first. I am also liking that I can do what I want, when I want, and who I want. I can go out without having to tell anyone. I can have anyone over at anytime, talk on my phone any time.

I am also bringing this blog back. I am so glad that when I took all my old posts down I saved them onto google docs first, since I lost them off of my hard drive. I almost deleted them completely, since that’s what I believed Will did with his old chat logs. (Turns out he just saved them onto an old flash drive).

It was nice rereading my old posts as I posted them back onto my blog. It was nice watching myself learn and grow. The only thing I am sad about is that when I took things down, I lost the comments people had left me. I also lost my pictures I had at one point.

I am also getting my nipples re-pierced next week. I took them out for Will, since I knew he didn’t like them much. Since Will no longer has a say, I want them back. I liked how they made me feel, made my nipples feel. I like how they made me look.

I did not want to get them done alone, and it took forever to find someone to go with. All the people that wanted to go with me were either working when I made the appointment or were creepy. (Lol, one coworker said she wanted to go so she could “see my titties”). Ironically enough, Will is actually going with me.

He came over to get his mail the other morning, and out of habit I told him my plans. He seemed surprised, yet supportive. I took things a step further and reminded him that he said he wanted to go with me if I ever got them done again, even though we were together at that time. I asked if he was still interested or if that would be weird for him. He said he wanted to go. So yeah, hes going with me, and I believe we are going to dinner after. I am not sure how that will go, but we will see.

About a month after our break up, Toby contacted me. I was not completely over Will, so I decided to make him my rebound. The first time he got with me, I was not wet enough and he ended up tearing the opening to my vagina. The second time I let him do me anal, he refused to use lube and it hurt like hell. I will not be getting with him again. He disgusts me. I told him we could hang out and watch a movie, but that was it. He has made such plans with me, and stood me up both times. I am done with him.

On a brighter note, there is a different guy that I am doing. I will call him D. For now things with him are just casual sex, as well as a friend to talk to and hang out casually. I enjoy his company, as well as his sex. He makes me feel sexy, something I haven’t felt in a long time, even with Will. D is one of the few friends I still have from when I was going to the community college.

The Break Up

On October 31, 2011, Will broke up with me. He felt like I was getting in the way of his job. It started with him coming up to me on the night of the 29th and telling me that the next Friday at 6 he would be in “town.” I asked if he was going with friends, doing errands, or going out with coworkers. He told me he didn’t think he could tell me.

I began to feel pissed off, and asked if it was work related or not. He said he couldn’t tell me and stormed out. The next morning after we got off work, we began arguing. I told him that it pisses me off when he can’t tell me the littlest thing, things that seem small to me are huge to him because he takes his job too seriously. He told me that that is where I go wrong, and that I need to quit thinking about his job like that.

To prove a point, he told me he was going on a hot sate that night. I felt like I hated him at that moment. He knew that cheating is the one thing I have no tolerance for. He seemed to think this would help him prove his point that “I make him feel like hes cheating on me sometimes.” What the fuck does that mean? Who the hell does that?

Since I could no longer talk, I was so furious in tears, he made pancakes for us, humming happily to himself. Things seemed fine, with him at least. We ate, took a shower together, and went to sleep. Well, he went to sleep. I kept crying. I cried myself to sleep, I woke up crying. When he woke up for the day, I was still crying and he went into the computer room to play his games. I stayed in bed and cried until it was almost time to go to work.

I finally went into the room where he was, to tell him I was worried about us. He said there was nothing to worry about, that he would never leave me. I told him I wasn’t so sure. He hugged me and I broke down again. I told him I would be ok once Friday was over with. He told me not to do anything drastic until then. “Like what, pack my shit and move out?” I asked bitterly. He said “Yes, like that.”

We got dressed and went to work. During work, I started to feel ok. I began to tell myself he wouldn’t do this to us if it wasn’t work related. I was feeling really good about things by the time work was over. However, he was mad again. He told me on the way home he was going to sleep in the spare room to think things over.

When we got home, I was crying again, trying to reason with him. We still undressed each other, we still took our shower together, but instead of getting in bed together, I left and went to my mom’s to sleep. I didn’t sleep at all that day. I spent the day crying, worrying that I was going to lose him.

He finally called for me to go home. He told me over the phone that he thought things over and decided that we did need to break up. I cried. I begged for him to take me back. I felt pathetic. He said he wanted to stay friends, and try to stay room mates. I told him it would be hard, but I was willing to give it a try.

Living with your ex is not easy. It was hard doing stuff separately rather than together (undressing, showering, cooking, etc). Once in a while old habits would sneak up on us though. We would find ourselves in a kiss, or exchanging I love you’s. It hurt a lot when I walked in the spare room to use the bathroom and I saw him jerking off. I felt like I wasn’t good enough. That used to be my job to get him off (a different post, I promise). However, harder than all of that, was watching him fall out of love with me so easily.

He really did feel like I was making him choose between me or his job. His coworkers asked about us soon after the break up. I told them what happened. They all called him an idiot, and told me it was a dinner for their department. Just because he couldn’t invite me didn’t mean he couldn’t tell me about it. I told him I knew it was a dinner, and he freaked out and told me we had no chance together, ever after that. That day when he woke up he went out to find his own place.

I ended up packing his shit, because he was too lazy playing on his computer to do it himself. It was hard to see him go, but at the same time it was a relief. I ended up asking myself why I was having such a hard time letting go, when in all honesty I haven’t been that happy with him that last few months. I always felt like his computer was more important, and our sex life was shaky to begin with. That was when I really started letting go.

We are trying to stay friends, though its hard. I always dread seeing him at work, and I hate it when he has mail still come here sometimes, meaning he has to come and get it. However, I end up enjoying his company more than I thought I would, though I feel worse all over again after he leaves.

For a while I hated sleeping because all I did was dream that we were back together, then woke up realizing how alone I was. I don’t dream about him so much anymore. Its easier to sleep, and I am starting to enjoy that I don’t have to clean up after anyone but myself.

Drama with Ex #4

We’ve been broken up for over two months now. He still acts as though I did it five minutes ago. I am trying so hard to stay his friend, but he is making it so difficult on me. Whenever we talk, he starts talking about the what ifs and the might have beens, talking about how he’s changing his habits, he’s gotten better.

It is really starting to bug me. I have moved on and he hasn’t. I hear things at work,  things that he does when I am not there. He acts so composed online, but at work he seems so depressed, so lonely.

He told me a few weeks after we broke up that just six weeks before we broke up he went to price rings. I am hearing now that he actually bought the ring. What the hell? I am not ready to get married. I am only twenty years old; he was over twice my age. (No offense to those who got married at my age, or younger). I mean, we kind of mentioned it as a possibility, but it would only happen if I was out of school and had a stable job. The main reason I broke up with him was because I felt like I was settling down too early.

He found out about the hickey that M gave me. He flipped out and threw the door counter at the person that told him about it. They reported him to their boss, the tape was reviewed by my ex and his boss, and he was given a warning; one warning out of many, that is. He has also gotten warnings for crying on the floor, in front of the customers, and hiding in the bathroom to cry. I feel bad, I really do.

I also heard he is seeing a psychiatrist. That he was put on antidepressants. He is also not supposed to have any contact with me. He flipped out on one of my co workers when they mentioned me, saying that I won’t look at him, won’t talk to him, won’t be his friend. Well, maybe I could be his friend if he didn’t spend his time glaring at me whenever he sees me.

Apparently every time I see him, talk to him, or make any kind of contact, he gets all of his hope back of him and I. That is definitely not what I want. He is also writing on napkins that he hates his life. One of the people in his department actually came up to me today and asked me if I think he is capable of hurting himself. I was shocked. I hate to think that I caused him to be this way.

I know I learned a lot from our relationship, but if this is the way it has to be, I almost regret it. I learned so much, but I am young, I could have learned from future relationships. I just don’t know anymore. I am almost afraid of him. I worry that he has stalking potential. I don’t think that he would ever hurt me, but he has so much anger, I just don’t know.

I am hoping that after school they put me back on graveyards at work. That way I will not have to work with him. It is so hard to work near him. I tried, I really did try, to be his friend again. Any advice? I would love to hear your stories, advice, or calming words. You can even email me, if you don’t want to share with the world your story or advice. I just want someone to talk to.

The Ex List (Ex # 4)

I met my fourth ex at work. Now, I will admit there was quite the age gap between us. He had been married once before, and no kids. When we first met he would pick on me, but everyone did, teasingly of course. After about a year of talking just at work, we exchanged IM’s. We would talk every now and then, leaving offline messages mostly because we had such different schedules.

One day I was going to have to take the bus home, so I asked if he wanted to hang out after I got out of class. He said sure and said he would pick me up after my last class got out. I was nervous all day. When he picked me up we went back to his house. He showed me old pictures, I met his cat, and later he took me home.

We did this for a few weeks, I would get out of class and he would pick me up. He asked me to have dinner with him on Valentine’s Day. I said that would be ok, and so he picked me up after he got off work. He barbequed some steaks, cooked some pasta, and made some garlic bread. For dessert we had ice cream.

A week later when we were hanging out at his house, he told me how he felt. I started feeling a little nervous. I had an idea he liked me, and I thought that I liked him too, but I was afraid of the age gap. Then he kissed me. We talked for a little bit, and then he dropped me off at home.

Two days later we went to breakfast with my mom, went back to his house, and talked about our feelings. We decided to give it a try. I brought a movie with me to watch, but we didn’t pay attention to the movie. We ended up making out the whole way through.

We moved way too fast. I knew it, and I told him. He knew it too. It was a good seven months, and everyone was supportive of us. At least everyone except my friends supported us.

Things were good for the first few months, I was happy, he was happy. Then, after about 5 months into the relationship I started feeling really bored. We never did anything, we never went anywhere. After about six months I started feeling really depressed. Also, school started back up, and I got to feeling overwhelmed with school and the relationship put together. I started to feel us slip away. I think another part that had to do with us is the birth control I was on. It really started to mess with my hormones.

Four days before our seven month mark, I broke up with him. I just realized that we got along better as friends. I wanted to focus my time on school. I wanted to get out and discover myself. I started to feel like I was settling down, something I was not ready to feel at twenty years old.

He was heartbroken, and he still is. We are trying to work on being friends again, but at times he makes it really hard for me. I hear from people at work that he is not doing too good, but I think he sucks it up when I am around. I really want us to be friends again, but he makes it really hard sometimes because he always starts talking about the what ifs and should have beens.

Sometimes I catch myself reporting to him. I get halfway through a text message and then realize I don’t have to tell him everything that’s going on. I feel like I have a lot more freedom. I try not to appear online to him as much, because although I am happy to talk, he makes it hard sometimes. Plus, I don’t want to give him the wrong idea of hope for us in the future.

I really don’t think I can go through what we went through again. Maybe if I was older, but certainly not now. I want to discover myself, learn about who I am. I want to explore my sexuality. I think this is the age where one learns the most about themselves.