Hair(less)

One of my favorite physical features about myself has always been the hair. Its a natural blond, with beautiful natural highlights. I feel it is super sexy when it is long, and its hanging down my back. Last July I ended up getting it cut shorter than it has ever been. I loved the cut, and thought it was super cute and made me look/feel more adult.

Growing up, I was not allowed to get my hair cut. My mom finally let me get it cut (after incessant begging) when I was ten years old and it was past my knees. I hated my hair then, as I could never let it down and my mom had to brush my hair and braid it every morning. I got it cut just past my shoulders.

A few years ago, I started to miss that long hair, and attempted to grow it out while still getting regular trims to keep it healthy. It took forever to grow. I soon realized that I didn’t want my hair that long again, with how hard it was to up keep.

When Will and I started having sleep overs, my hair was at my mid back. Will always complimented my hair, and loved the way that the sun would catch it. Both him and ex #4 thought it looked like “I had a halo like an angel when the sun shone on it.” I would wake up with him rolling over on my hair, pulling it to the point it was painful and waking me out of a dead sleep. When the hair was almost to my lower back last year, I started waking up with it wrapped around my arms and neck, especially sleeping naked. Thats when I got it cut last year.

In February, my room mate and I dyed my hair a really pretty red. Because my hair is so light, the color soon washed out and became a dull coppery red. When I first got it dyed, I was talking to my cousin (girl) and we somehow got on the topic of head shaving. I have always joked about “just shaving it off.” I admitted to my cousin that I have always secretly wanted to do it, just for fun, see what it was like, etc. I “jokingly” suggested that when my roots start to show that we get it shaved, since shes been wanting to do it too.

A few weeks ago my cousin sent me a picture text with her heard shaved. She asked when it was my turn. I debated for a while. I wanted to get it done, since the day weather has been getting warmer (I work nights), I wanted to start fresh and get rid of the dyed part without dying/bleaching it again and losing those natural highlights, and when pulled back for work, my roots showing made it look like I had a bunch of bald spots.

I finally decided to go ahead and do it. I mentioned it to a lot of friends and coworkers. A lot of them said I will look like shit and regret it, a few girls were like “wow, I wish I had the guts to do that,” a few others thought that it was great that I was making such a big change in my life (as I have been feeling on the verge of depression lately).

Today (or yesterday, really) I got my hair shaved off. My cousin made a hair appointment for me, took me in, and we got it done. I must say, I love the way it feels. I love reaching up and feeling the stubble all over my head. Its probably about a half inch long. It looks different, definitely, but I don’t regret it in any way. It doesn’t look as bad as I may have anticipated. I just can’t wait to see Will’s reaction to the cut.

What Attracts Me

Thinking about my past relationships and the type I seem to have been attracted to, I realized what turns me on most about a guy. I seem to always go for the inexperienced guys when it comes to relationships. There are two reasons I can see this being true.

My main reason for liking inexperienced guys is that they have been with few to zero people. I like this because I can be pretty sure they are clean and disease free. I like that I can teach them, especially if I am their first. We can learn together what feels good to them.

Another reason I like inexperienced guys is because of my jealousy issues. (yes, I know that’s lame to admit). I hate competition. What if the girls before me were better in his eyes? My self conscious worries that they were prettier or skinnier than me. I like being their first, because it makes me even more motivated to make what we do great for them.

Bedtime Story – Part 2

She wanted him. It had only been an hour since their climax, but she wanted more, needed to be filled again. She felt her lady parts turn hot and swell with need. Speaking of need, she could tell from the stiffness poking her backside that he needed more too.

Slipping back out of her had nearly set him off again, and with the weakness in his muscles he’d left himself just as vulnerable. With her fur slowly sliding over his length with just the movement it took to breathe, he shivered, poking her again, breathing shallowly. “So… hot,” he murmured, wrapping arms around her from behind, carefully angling himself to slide back in with a deep rumble. “If we’re not careful we’ll be at it ’till daybreak,” he half-joked.

“Mmm, you make it sound like that’s a bad thing, and that my love, is where I would have to disagree.” she announced teasingly. She rolled herself over so that she could kiss him, smile at him, and kiss him more. While kissing, she reached her right paw under the covers and began stroking his ever hard maleness.

“Mmh… These are good plans,” he moaned lightly, her grip quickly returning him to full strength, lightly sliding against it, kissing her right back, breath heavy.

“Mmm, glad we agree. Now, how would you like it?” She asked, grinning mischievously, giving him a feel of all three. First gently stroking his cock, then carefully taking it into her mouth and massaging the tip with her tongue. Lastly, she rubbed it near her aching and waiting lady parts. Oh, she wanted to suck him, to taste his seed, but she wanted him to choose.

He laid still as she moved, rumbling as she tested him, length twitching with each touch, bucking lightly from each. “Ooh… I think… you suckling it,” he concluded, curling to hug her from behind yet keep himself offered, stiff and lightly flexing with need.

“Ooo, good choice my love,” she said softly as she scooted down further to better situate herself for her favorite task at hand (er, mouth). She got a light grip on his lower shaft and bent her head down onto his quivering member, giving the tip a teasing flick with her tongue, then circling it to get it nice and wet.

He shivered, between grasp and lick, body warming up quickly, need growing. For a moment he tried to curl fully around, using his serpentine shape, then at one brush found himself sprawled out, murring deeply and trying not to buck too hard, a shot of pre rewarding her efforts. “Mmm…”

Once his throbbing tip was nice and wet, she slowly took it, inch by inch, deeper into her mouth. As it slid deeper, she sucked the tip and swirled her tongue around the shaft and head, giving him a satisfying tease.

One hand reached to her shoulder as he tensed up along his body, closing his eyes tightly. “Mmmmm, so hot…” he murmured, lightly sliding himself against her attentions, pre flowing more with the tease as he inhaled sharply.

“Ooo, you have such a nice cock,” she breathed to him. Firming her left paw’s grip on his lower shaft only slightly, she began slowly bobbing her head up and down the rest of his hardness. Slowly and steadily she increased her pace, building a rhythm for herself.

He found himself panting, gripping her shoulder tightly as he tensed, eyes tightly shut, body pulsing and flexing until the teases allowed him to break through. “Ghh, that’s it love… Ah!” He struggled to hold still as he peaked, filling her mouth with his thick seed.

Bedtime Story – Part 1

When Will and I were together, he had a thing for furry stuff, which eventually turned into a sexual hang up for him. He could not be turned on mentally unless he pictured furry/pokemon type scenes, instead of being turned on by me alone. I helped fix that by cybering (before we moved in together) with him and after we moved in together, we would each take turns writing a scene on my phone as we lay in bed together. That usually got him in the mood. I have his permission to post these. Since I have run out of things that I want to write about, here they are. This is part one. I believe there are five. Keep in mind the basic setting if furry/pokemon type, and a few were done on a MUCK client called Pokemon Fusion (Pokemon fuse with human). I hate that place for other reasons, but like the few stories we made.

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It had been some time since his sweetheart had been truly his, some time since his coils had held her helpless in the grass, either hand gripping a pillowy breast, leaving her room to breathe and struggle but not escape, fangs poised against her neck from above…

She loved it when he held her down like this, loved being dominated by him. Hell, she just loved him and gave herself completely to him. As he held the tiger bitch down she wrapped her back paws around him, pulling them closer together.

“Gods you’re hot, girl,” he had hissed, sure to let his tongue tickle through and beneath her neck fur. He’d shifted to slide his body fully along her back, his textured scales rubbing from along her belly to beneath her tail, obviously trying to tease and warm her up. All the while he’d held that same slight grin, drunk with the power she allowed him.

She loved it when he teased her like this. It never failed to make her ready for him in seconds. She loved the thrill of having him there so close to her, not knowing what he was gonna do next, or how far he would take it. Sometimes he gave her just enough tease to make her want him more, but most of the time he followed through with what he started. She wanted him, was ready for him. She moaned with pleasure and need. “Please,” she said, “I need you inside me soon. I don’t know how much more I can take. It’s been so long, and too long at that.”

Hearing her moans, her need, he grinned wider, tightening his coils a bit, then relaxing them, revealing that his need had grown just as much, pressing against the base of her tail, sliding along her bare skin. “How badly…?” he rumbled, though they both knew it was too late to put it off any longer, and with a sharp grunt and tight coil, he pressed himself deep, closing his eyes and reveling in the beginnings of feelings they’d both gone too far without.

The instant he slid inside her was the instant her body gave way completely. She melted around him and tightened around him. She flexed a few times, giving him a gentle squeezing tease. “Oh, yes, right there,” she moaned as she thrust her hips upward to take even more of him in.

He allowed himself a deep moan, eyes half-closing as his fingers, coils, and maleness took deep purchase, letting himself embrace being laid so bare in his brutal dominance of his tiger bitch, quickly fitting his body flush to hers. At her movements he released his grip a bit, allowing her to work him so, enjoying how her body could make him feel again after so long.

She began a rhythmic grinding of her hips, moaning each time he went deeper inside. It was amazing how fully satisfied he made her, inside and out.

Soon he laid almost completely still, testing her strength, groaning with the tight grip around his power, heat rising quickly. With how long it had been, he wouldn’t need much. “Gods, I’d forgotten…” He shifted, dragging his muzzle against her chin, groaning into her throat, needing this hold.

“Mmmm, you feel so good,” she moaned softly. She could feel the pressure deep inside her building, and she knew it wouldn’t take much longer for her to reach climax.

Unable to keep himself from flexing against her strength the serpent renewed his grip with a loud grunt, closing his eyes and twisting himself to thrust again into her, shaft straining to contain the building pressure. “Ahh… Can’t hold it… any longer…!” he groaned, unable to resist the full, powerful wrench of his entire body as he gave in and bit down on her neck, thick seed shooting against her eggs.

At his thrust she wrapped her front paws around his back, being careful of her claws. Tilting her neck to the side to welcome his love nip, she let out a deep moan. Her body had reached its full climax as she tightened her grip around his filling manhood.

For a moment they were completely alone save to each other, their bodies tightened around each other as their peaks mingled into a moment of bliss for them both. He seemed to relax first, trembling softly, keeping his eyes closed, hands gripping her shoulders. “Mmh, mm…

 

Nervous

I always get nervous when I think about being naked in front of someone for the first time. As one of my exes always said, the scariest thing is being naked in front of someone for the first time. For me, it doesn’t matter who it is, I get nervous. However, once they have seen me, it’s fine.

I am learning to not be so self conscious around people. I am fat, and am learning to accept that. When I am ready emotionally, I will go back to dieting seriously. There is no hope for me to succeed if I am not ready emotionally. I am getting the mindset that if I am gonna be judged by the person I am naked with, they wouldn’t be there in the first place.

Anyways, back to the point of this post. There is a couple at work that I am talking to (the wife mainly). I recently learned how sexual they are. And they love threesomes. The wife (who I will call Tori) thinks I need a sex makeover. A chance to have just pure, great sex, with an orgasm. She’s pretty confident they can change my ‘problem.’

She decided that I needed one when I told her I couldn’t cum without a vibe, Toby was a terrible screw, Will was never in the mood, and I rip every time with D. I like the idea of a threesome with them very much. She wants to get to know me first though, (which I totally understand).

I hung out with them today for the first time outside of work and we got along great. We went to the movies, and after went back to their house where she cooked dinner and did my nails. I had a blast. Heh, she even put on a couple of her sexy bustiers for me to see. They were hot.

The whole time I was there I tried picturing us doing things. I can definitely see the potential, especially since at one point her husband said that he wanted to play with pierced nipples. I don’t know if she told him or not about mine.

Every time I tried picturing the three of us, I got nervous at the idea of being naked in front of them. It’s just the fact that it’s someone new. It’s an excited type of nervous.

Romance

I thought I was going to marry Will. I figured I had done all the single-life experimenting that I needed to do. I was pissed when he dumped me because I hated the idea of having to learn to trust someone all over again. I figured I would have to wait months, maybe years, before I was completely comfortable with someone again.

However, despite all that, I realized what I have to look forward to in my next relationship.

One of my favorite things in new romance is that beginning honeymoon stage. The part where all you see is each other. A couple of weeks ago I saw a couple in the bar we were cleaning. It was obvious they were on a date and SO into each other. They were holding hands, smiling into each others eyes, and giving sweet kisses all over (necks, cheeks, forehead, etc). I was almost jealous. I look forward to having that with someone again.

Being single again gives me the chance to date. I have never really been on a true date. Relationships always just kind of happened with me, and so I never got to go on multiple dates with multiple people. I look forward to dating this time (ha, if someone will just take me out).

Will was not a very sexual guy. I look forward to having a normal sexual relationship with someone. Like a fuck buddy, but this time with the emotional attachments. I would choose a relationship over a fuck buddy any day.

I look forward to learning a person inside and out. I look forward to them doing the same with me. I always love those first moments, like first kiss, first time we do something sexual, etc. Most of all though, I look forward to having romance again.

Giving Without Receiving

I used to take pride in giving good head. I felt like that was the one thing I excelled at when being with a guy. I loved the control I had, the trust he had to have in me to let me use my mouth (where theres teeth) on his dick. Everyone that I have ever sucked has always said it was the best they ever had. Maybe all guys say that to every girl, but I was happy to believe them, and still do.

However, after Toby, I kind of quit caring about giving head. It was ruined for me in a lot of ways. I realized this when I was with The T several years back. I know exactly why I don’t care about giving head so much anymore.

You see, The only one to truly ever return the favor was Ex #4. He would eat me out for forever it seemed, though sadly it was more relaxing than climaxing. Yeah, Nathan, Tiffany, Leah, and The T have went down on me, but it was always for less than a minute or two because they found other things to do to me.

The times I was with Toby I would ask him to return the favor, he would always make up some excuse on why he couldn’t. I finally gave up asking when his last excuse was that “he heard he wasn’t supposed to go down on a girl unless he was in love with her.” I know that excuse was total bullshit. That is when I quit caring about giving head.

When I played with The T, he wanted me to suck him. I was adamant that it was not going to happen, but I finally compromised for just a little bit of suckage. I hated it, and that was the first time I didn’t take my time or care in what I was doing. I felt like it was substandard, though he disagreed.

I started enjoying giving head again when I sucked D in the woods. It was new, and exciting. I took great care in what I was doing.

I took even greater pride in what I was doing when I gave Will head. It was his favorite of the few things he allowed us to do together. I made sure to give good head because I wanted him to come back for more (since our sexual time was so few and far between), though I didn’t enjoy giving as much as I used to. Several times, after he came, he would mention how sometime he would like to return the favor.

One night I really wanted him to return the favor, so I asked him to do just that. I had actually really enjoyed giving him head. I had taken my time, and used my skill to the fullest. After he came, I asked if he would go down on me. He said no. I asked him why, since he said he wanted to return the favor. That is when he told me that the idea of going down on a girl was never much of a turn on. I asked how he expected to return the favor. He said that it would happen by having sex. He then left for food, and I sat in bed and cried. The last excuse Toby gave me came back to mind. I cried even harder. I felt like there was something wrong with me.

He came home, saw me crying and comforted me. I explained what was wrong when he asked. That is when he learned my true sexual past. He had always had bits and pieces before, but this time I finished the puzzle. I felt better, though was still a bit pissed. I eventually got over the fantasy of him going down on me.

Lately I have been craving tongue on my clit. It just sounds like it would feel really good. There have been several times that I thought D was going to do it, just from his postion at times, or how he kisses my stomach, all the way down to my mound. He never has done it for me, and I have been afraid to ask because I don’t want to ruin my liking of giving him head if he says no.

I really like giving D head, and I always have. He makes me want to give more head. I read the posts I write about sucking him, and they get me very wet and sexually excited. He brings back the old me.

Distractions

One thing that drives me nuts is being distracted while masturbating. The thing that tends to happen the most is, while trying to think dirty thoughts, something very undirty pops into my mind. These things can include everyday life things, such as bills, and the biggest turn off of all, family.

The last few times I have masturbated I have gotten very distracted. I think this happens because I wasn’t much in the horny mindset in the first place, and was just doing it to sleep, or as recently, take my pain away from my nipples. I was trying my hardest to think dirty thoughts, but then the stress of moving came into mind, then family after that (as I will be closer to them), and it just went downhill from there.

I then tried turning to my backup dirty thoughts, the ones that are/were a sure-fire way to get me off. Thoughts about Will, and things about him/us that got me off. Sure, they worked, but they made me feel sad. You see, for the two years we were together, he was all I could think about while masturbating. Nothing else really turned me on. Since the break up, I have had to reprogram my turn-ons. I try and think of anything but him, however, the more I try not to think of him, the more I do.

Most of the time thinking about other things help. Sometiems I pop in a porn on my dvd player, but its just not the same to me anymore. Lately I have been thinking about when D and I get together, and how turned on he makes me once we decide to get down to business. I like having sex with D, and I look forward to more sex with him.

I always used to feel creepy thinking about people I know in real life while masturbating. It just didn’t feel right. However, once I became sexually active, that kind of changed. I think it changed when I started this blog, really. This blog has really helped to give me an outlet to discover myself. Now I can think about people in real life while I masturbate, and write about it. I can’t however, think about people I have never done anything with though. I still feel creepy. I also feel creepy if I think about them when we no longer do things. Will and Forbidden Fruit are a good example of that.

Rebuilding

I have been making a lot of changes in the past few weeks. Some of these changes are new, some are old.

First things first, I am rebuilding my life. When Will and I broke up, I felt like everything came crashing down. I am learning more about myself, as well as learning how to depend on myself. Before I always depended on others for everything, especially financially. I had never lived alone, and I felt like that was something I needed to do most, no matter how much it hurt financially.

Most times living alone is lonely, and I hated it at first, but now I am starting to appreciate it. I get the dishes done as soon as I use them, unlike when Will would just let them pile up without even being rinsed first. I am also liking that I can do what I want, when I want, and who I want. I can go out without having to tell anyone. I can have anyone over at anytime, talk on my phone any time.

I am also bringing this blog back. I am so glad that when I took all my old posts down I saved them onto google docs first, since I lost them off of my hard drive. I almost deleted them completely, since that’s what I believed Will did with his old chat logs. (Turns out he just saved them onto an old flash drive).

It was nice rereading my old posts as I posted them back onto my blog. It was nice watching myself learn and grow. The only thing I am sad about is that when I took things down, I lost the comments people had left me. I also lost my pictures I had at one point.

I am also getting my nipples re-pierced next week. I took them out for Will, since I knew he didn’t like them much. Since Will no longer has a say, I want them back. I liked how they made me feel, made my nipples feel. I like how they made me look.

I did not want to get them done alone, and it took forever to find someone to go with. All the people that wanted to go with me were either working when I made the appointment or were creepy. (Lol, one coworker said she wanted to go so she could “see my titties”). Ironically enough, Will is actually going with me.

He came over to get his mail the other morning, and out of habit I told him my plans. He seemed surprised, yet supportive. I took things a step further and reminded him that he said he wanted to go with me if I ever got them done again, even though we were together at that time. I asked if he was still interested or if that would be weird for him. He said he wanted to go. So yeah, hes going with me, and I believe we are going to dinner after. I am not sure how that will go, but we will see.

About a month after our break up, Toby contacted me. I was not completely over Will, so I decided to make him my rebound. The first time he got with me, I was not wet enough and he ended up tearing the opening to my vagina. The second time I let him do me anal, he refused to use lube and it hurt like hell. I will not be getting with him again. He disgusts me. I told him we could hang out and watch a movie, but that was it. He has made such plans with me, and stood me up both times. I am done with him.

On a brighter note, there is a different guy that I am doing. I will call him D. For now things with him are just casual sex, as well as a friend to talk to and hang out casually. I enjoy his company, as well as his sex. He makes me feel sexy, something I haven’t felt in a long time, even with Will. D is one of the few friends I still have from when I was going to the community college.

Update Again

I had a post written, but then highlighted it and pressed delete. I just couldn’t post it, it was just a little too personal. Plus, I was pretty upset when I started it the other night, and by the time I finally finished it tonight I was over it. Who knows, the issue might come up again and I might be more compelled to write about it again, but for now, I am just peachy. (Wow, I can’t believe I just said that…)

On a lighter note, sad to say, I had to take the nipple piercings out in June. I had them for little over a year, but yet they still did not feel quite completely healed, and itched like crazy. If it wasn’t for Will, I probably would have stuck it out, but since I knew the piercings were a turn off to him, I decided to take them out.

On an even better note, I have noticed that my mom and I get along a lot better since I have moved out. We never did communicate well when I lived there, and when I was there I always shut myself up in my room. However, I find myself stopping by more often. We can talk now without getting into some stupid argument, it’s nice.

Also, look forward to some posts featuring erotica. Some entries will be from real hook ups, others imagination. I look forward to writing them, though the ones from memory will be a little bit harder to write, since they happened over a year ago. (Yes, it has been that long for any type of naughtiness in my life).

Speaking of naughty, the other night when I was going through past posts, getting ideas, refreshing my memory one some things, I came across a very interesting post. In this post, I talked about placing my free hand on my throat at the start of an orgasm and how much more intense it made everything. I tried that again that night, and it was everything I imagined it would be and more. Let’s just hope I don’t give myself marks or actually hurt myself.